When it goes wrong…

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Life is hard. So many things get thrown in our way; and we deal with it. What other choice is there?

Does that make it easier? No. It doesn’t. 

Coming back to me personally, I’m very hard on myself; always have been. It’s a pattern. And when things get tough, like right now, me being hard on me, becomes even harder. And ends up being taken out in everybody else. And that isn’t right; and is more fuel on the personal bonfire.

My heart is broken. I put it on the line, and I loved with every cell of my being. And now it’s over. It got broken, because he wasn’t well. And the illness I get. He was mentally unwell. What I don’t get is why I’m not worth it? Why, when times get tough, I am the one who is dismissed, like I am not worth the effort? Maybe he thought I wasn’t? I don’t know. But this time, it has slayed me. And I started to believe it. And I’m still in it. I’m still there, questioning my ‘value’, because I don’t feel it. I don’t feel my value right now.

But I know, one day soon, I will. And right now, I’m hard to live with. I eat crap, and have a drink if I feel like it. But I’ll reach a point, and it will stop, and I’ll start running again, and get back on my mat. 

I’m not there yet…but I will be

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