I don’t want to talk to you.

More than anything I don’t want to talk to you.

But more than anything, all I want is to talk to you…

I know you understand.

Or maybe, in my head you understand, and that’s how I want it to be. How I wanted it to be. And maybe it never was that way? Why don’t I know the answer to that?

I don’t understand how I feel.

Is this how grief feels?

There’s an anxiety that won’t leave me alone. It sits in my chest, makes me eat rubbish and fills me with self-loathing.

I don’t know how to be kind to myself. Is that something that can be learnt?

I don’t know how to be in this place. This place that feels like madness, and consistently kicks and screams it’s way out of me, through tears, angst, eating, shouting…none of which helps.

So, tell me, what do I do?


4 responses »

    • Hi, I did, even though I knew it was the wrong thing to do, and I was right. Learning to listen to yourself is the most important thing…and it’s something I’m working on, but it’s helping, and it can help you too x


      • I think that’s normally the way you realise, rather than listening to yourself you do something you know you shouldn’t and then get hurt. It’s a bad way of doing it but guarenteed way to put yourself on the right path. I’m going through a similar thing. It ended suddenly and I keep going back hoping he will change his mind. Today I decided I’m worth more. By the time he realises it will be too late.

        Liked by 1 person

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