Tag Archives: friendship

Can men and women be friends?

Can men and women be friends?

When I was a little girl, making friends was easy. It didn’t matter if the friend was a boy or a girl; we were just friends.

And then puberty, and hormones, and basically, sex got in the way!

There has been much written on this topic over the years. As stated my Brett and Kate McKay on their blog artofmanliness.com, ‘you’d have thought When Harry Met Sally would have answered this question’!! But apparently not. They go on to quote a study completed at Wisconsin University, where 88 friendship couples were brought in and asked questions regarding their friendships, with the proviso that the research would never be discussed between the friends in the future. The outcome was, that whilst the female in the friendship saw it as purely platonic and there was no attraction, the same couldn’t be said for the men. Plus, that the men secretly believed their opposite number felt the same! The study concluded that the friendship was possible if guys remained under this illusion!

Now, this was only 88 friendships, though it seems to be a decent cross section?! 

Making friends in general is so much harder when we get older, but making friends with the opposite sex feels like a mine field…’if I talk to them, with they think I’m interested in them?’, ‘if I ask them for coffee, will they think I want more?’, ‘what if I don’t want more now, but change my mind in the future?’!

I have always been very up front about my feelings on most subjects and am not backwards in coming forwards (I know you’re shocked at this revelation 😆), so why can’t we chuck out all rules? Why can’t we just be friends, pure and simple, and not worry about the connotations? And, if one or the other feels differently, why can’t we say ‘you know what, I think I quite fancy you’? And the other, even if they are not interested, take it as a compliment, and move on?

Isn’t life complicated enough with actual romantic relationships without having to worry about this stuff in friendships too?

I have come to realise that I really don’t have male friends! My friends are women, by enlarge. This isn’t a bad thing, not at all, but part of me feels like I’m missing out on the other sides perspective on life! I have recently found a new male friend (and by friend, I mean friend and no funny business!) and it’s nice to talk to him and message him. But I still have that nagging feeling of ‘this is just friends, right?’!! And why doesn’t that shut the f*#€ up?!! It’s not helpful! I actually want to be friends with this man, and no more. I can’t predict the future, and I can’t speak for him, but I like my new friendship, so poo to the naysayers and the doubters! I will continue my friendship…having said that, I have concluded that I do actually only know how to be friends with women, so he might have a little adjusting to do…😳 I should point out, I absolutely believe men and women can be friends, and just friends, though less so if there is ‘history’!

Having said that, I would be very interested to hear what other people think on this…so feel free to comment 😊