Tag Archives: single mum

Being Grateful for my Life

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Being Grateful for my Life

Two years ago today, my baby boy was born. That in itself is such an amazing thing. He is amazing, and along with his big brother, they complete my life.

But how my youngest son got here was not so easy. It started off normally enough. I was married to his father, who had no children (my oldest is from a previous relationship) and he wanted to be a father. So, we tried and after a few months, it worked, my baby boy was on his way. Then when I was 6 months pregnant, his father left, with no explanation, and never returned to raise his son. He left me pregnant, with a very upset and confused 5 year old step-son to help come to terms with what had happened, not to mention how I felt.

These things happen. At the time, it was horrendous. My friends and family were amazing and helped me hold it together for the sake of my son and my unborn child. And I functioned for the remainder of my pregnancy, until 2 years ago, he arrived, after 35 hours of labour! With the help of my amazing friend who held my hand through the whole thing and fought my corner with the midwives, who were horrible!

Yes, the first few months of his life were hard, but I got through it, we all did. And these past 2 years have had major ups and downs, but now I am so grateful to his father for leaving! He did the best thing for me, and for his son. He walked away from a relationship that was never going to work, but gave me a son who is so special. He has a great relationship with his son, and pays his allotted portion, as well as loving his son in a way that has made him a Daddy, and not just a father.

Being a single Mum can be so hard, but it is also extremely rewarding, and I am reminded everyday by my children how amazingly lucky I am to have them in my life 🙂 

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Inspiration for Single Parents

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Inspiration for Single Parents

Anyone who is a parent knows, it’s not easy. Being a single parent is even harder, but so much more rewarding is more ways than can be listed here.

I have raised both of my boys on my own pretty much from the moment they were born. My youngest has never lived with his father, and from the moment he was born, and handed to one of my best friends, he has been, and will remain to be, mine. I named them both and have made all the decisions for their lives so far.

In some ways, unilateral decisions are so much easier. In many ways doing it alone is so much easier. There’s no one to be mad at when they don’t get up to them crying in the night; I get time to myself every other weekend to remember that I’m not just Mummy; I can take holidays without them when they are with their Dad’s to again remember who I am.

But by contrast, in many ways it’s so much harder. All the responsibility is mine. They rely on just me for for absolutely everything. There can be no failure, which just becomes a part of life that you don’t even consider. I am the fun parent and the disciplinarian. I am Mummy and Daddy 90% of the time. And there is no one their to say to them, ‘is this the right thing to do?’. Unilateral is fine, but solo is hard.

The pay off? You get to have all their firsts….first smile; first words; first walk; and having boys especially, they just want to love me all the time.

So, next time they drive me crazy, my aim is to breathe and count to 10 and remember how amazing they are, and how much of an achievement it is to get to where we are by ourselves 😊

Why define yourself like that?

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I’m single. I’m a single Mum with two children. I have been single for over two years. To me, this is forever and I hate it, and that in itself makes me mad!

Why do we, as women in particular, define ourselves by whether or not we have a man or partner in our lives?!! Surely its the eternal question?

The thing is, I don’t actually need a man! I can support myself and my children, I have my own home, a good job, great friends and family, I have a life! But still, for whatever reason in my own tiny brain, all that I have is not enough for me….WHY?!

Media doesn’t help; Hollywood doesn’t help; coupley friends don’t help!! Its everywhere! Societies expectation that couples and being in a couple is whats ‘normal’. Screw normal! Who wants to be normal anyway, normal is boring!! What I do want is to feel fulfilled. Surely I don’t need a man for that?!!!

So, how do you get to a place of self-fulfilment and get rid of this painful yearn for a partner to hold your hand?

I have been on dating websites now for most of the past two years, you name it, I’ve probably been there! And the profiles on there all seem to say similar things….”normal down to earth friendly guy who for someone to share life with”. They all seem to be lying! First of all, none of us are normal! In fact I would go far as to say that there is no such thing as ‘normal’, thank god! But maybe all of us have expectations of what we are looking for that are too high?

As a woman in my mid to late 30’s, twice divorced with two children, I’ve been through the mill and know what I don’t want, as I would guess most people my age would. You don’t get to this age without a certain amount of baggage, and hopefully by this age, you know your own mind enough to know what you do and don’t want, don’t you? Well, I do! But am I being too restrictive? Or is that the same as choosy? Or am I being too choosy? Is there such a thing as too choosy?! And so the ridiculous list of questions goes on, until you eventually go insane!

Maybe its just time to find a way to let it all go? To stop looking and live life and let whatever comes and goes, and whomever comes and goes through it in transit do just that, come and go, without restriction, until the one shows up who fills your soul with joy? Or is that just something Hollywood filled our brains with to make us buy tickets to see the film? Who knows…..