Tag Archives: Single parent

People are difficult…especially me!

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I’ve been single for a long time. In that time, I’ve gotten used to having my own space, doing things in ways I’m used to, without having to consult anyone else. I’ve become protective of my children during that time, and having to be both mother and father to both of them (even though they still see their Dads, they are not constantly around), I am good cop and bad cop, and finding the balance can be hard, particularly if you are feeling out of sorts.

I know I can be a difficult person to be around sometimes. I know I am blunt and direct, and sometimes that is needed, though often I feel like I’m misunderstood, and that my reaction to a situation is misconstrued, and I feel the unfairness of it deeply.

Being single, and particularly a single parent, means you make all the decisions for you and your kids alone without any consultation. In many ways, that’s very liberating. But sometimes, the burden becomes heavy, and can weigh you down.

I feel a weight right now. I am about to move me and my children to a new area. I am totally convinced hat his is the right thing to do. But the ‘change’ and newness of it, especially doing it alone, is frightening, and I do feel alone. If I was having this discussion with friends or family, I know they would simply pick up on me being worried, and suggest I was making a mistake, instead of helping me embrace the change.

I think the fear and the change is making me so much more sensitive to everything else around me, so, for example, if something happens that is negative, I feel it more keenly and it hurts more deeply. And that in itself is hard because it makes me feel pathetic!

Change is hard. New is hard. But it’s good and I’m trying to be brave

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Being Grateful for my Life

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Being Grateful for my Life

Two years ago today, my baby boy was born. That in itself is such an amazing thing. He is amazing, and along with his big brother, they complete my life.

But how my youngest son got here was not so easy. It started off normally enough. I was married to his father, who had no children (my oldest is from a previous relationship) and he wanted to be a father. So, we tried and after a few months, it worked, my baby boy was on his way. Then when I was 6 months pregnant, his father left, with no explanation, and never returned to raise his son. He left me pregnant, with a very upset and confused 5 year old step-son to help come to terms with what had happened, not to mention how I felt.

These things happen. At the time, it was horrendous. My friends and family were amazing and helped me hold it together for the sake of my son and my unborn child. And I functioned for the remainder of my pregnancy, until 2 years ago, he arrived, after 35 hours of labour! With the help of my amazing friend who held my hand through the whole thing and fought my corner with the midwives, who were horrible!

Yes, the first few months of his life were hard, but I got through it, we all did. And these past 2 years have had major ups and downs, but now I am so grateful to his father for leaving! He did the best thing for me, and for his son. He walked away from a relationship that was never going to work, but gave me a son who is so special. He has a great relationship with his son, and pays his allotted portion, as well as loving his son in a way that has made him a Daddy, and not just a father.

Being a single Mum can be so hard, but it is also extremely rewarding, and I am reminded everyday by my children how amazingly lucky I am to have them in my life 🙂 

Inspiration for Single Parents

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Inspiration for Single Parents

Anyone who is a parent knows, it’s not easy. Being a single parent is even harder, but so much more rewarding is more ways than can be listed here.

I have raised both of my boys on my own pretty much from the moment they were born. My youngest has never lived with his father, and from the moment he was born, and handed to one of my best friends, he has been, and will remain to be, mine. I named them both and have made all the decisions for their lives so far.

In some ways, unilateral decisions are so much easier. In many ways doing it alone is so much easier. There’s no one to be mad at when they don’t get up to them crying in the night; I get time to myself every other weekend to remember that I’m not just Mummy; I can take holidays without them when they are with their Dad’s to again remember who I am.

But by contrast, in many ways it’s so much harder. All the responsibility is mine. They rely on just me for for absolutely everything. There can be no failure, which just becomes a part of life that you don’t even consider. I am the fun parent and the disciplinarian. I am Mummy and Daddy 90% of the time. And there is no one their to say to them, ‘is this the right thing to do?’. Unilateral is fine, but solo is hard.

The pay off? You get to have all their firsts….first smile; first words; first walk; and having boys especially, they just want to love me all the time.

So, next time they drive me crazy, my aim is to breathe and count to 10 and remember how amazing they are, and how much of an achievement it is to get to where we are by ourselves 😊