When something new starts and there is a possibility that ‘the heart’ might get involved, its terrifying and exciting, in almost equal measures!
Those who have read the rest of this blog will know that my history in relationships isn’t the best. And over the years, these lack lustre relationships have meant that I have built myself a pretty good set of armour. This defensive mechanism has served me well over the time I have been single and not wanted to become attached to anyone. However, the armour coming down is now I believe a process that takes a little longer!
From talking to friends, I know this phenomenon is not just applicable to me. In fact, to a greater or lesser extent, I think many of us face the same problem.
When you’ve been hurt, opening up again is not easy. Protecting your heart from further pain seems like much the easier option. But if we do that, what are we denying ourselves from feeling? Love? Joy? Are the feeling we are denying only negative ones?
Well, if that were really the case, why would anyone bother to try to find someone to love? To allow themselves to love? Surely the negativity surrounding the fear of being hurt would stop it happening it all, if that’s all there really was?
But when the armour has served so well, for so long, how do you get around it?
I can come to the conclusion that you decide to…you just do it! It’s a conscious decision to take a leap and try. How else do you do it? Sure, it could happen by accident, and you are there before you know it, but that doesn’t seem so likely, does it?
Finding someone worth taking the leap for, now that’s a whole different story, but if you do, surely you have to try?
Recently, no matter how frightening, I can start to feel my chinks relaxing and my ice heart warming. I have never been one for slow and steady, but I’m starting to believe that being in it, going with it, and seeing where something goes without all the pressure of constant neurotic assessment from your inner demons, is the only way to make anything work with another person.
So, I’m giving that a go. And so far I like it (though what he’ll say after he reads this and sees what a nut case I am is anyones guess?!!).
In the words of the witch from the Wizard of Oz “I’m melting”…….